I wish I knew how to quit you...

Manifesto

2008-12-11T07:14:00.000-08:00

I chose to create a flog which highlighted the last couple months of Heath Ledger’s life. When Heath scored the big movie role of the Joker, he decided he was going to do extensive character research. In his analysis, he kept a diary as the Joker to really tap into the thoughts of his character. For example, in Heath’s actual journal, one of his first entries was titled “A List of Things The Joker Would Find Funny.” The first subject on the list was AIDS. With this information, I inferred a couple of factors. Firstly, that Heath in fact did die from corruption of his mind while trying to embody the Joker. Secondly, because he was jaded from this project, he started to take medicines to calm his mind down, which eventually led him to a fatal overdose. As the entries progress in my flog, the threshold between Heath himself and his character becomes more ambiguous.

In order to present such information, I thought it would be most appropriate to compile it in a flog. Not only does a flog serve as a chronological organizer, but also as a realistic format of a diary. By assembling the entries through a flog, the entries come to life as though Heath actually wrote it. I believe that a flog simply makes the information more real. In this way, I feel that my project (a portrayal of Heath’s diary) closely represents the genre of the flog. In a certain light, my flog is a remediation of Heath Ledger’s journal.

I attempted to incorporate different aspects of media into my flog. I uploaded pictures throughout the entries. I also included a YouTube panel on the side to integrate another multimedia aspect. These specific aspects of multimedia create a sense of immersion in this flog. When the reader has the ability to immerse him/herself in pictures and videos, he/she is more likely to be immersed in the text. While reading the text, I believe the reader will become more immersed as they continue reading. The text is somewhat twisted and presents a schizophrenic flair, which may intrigue the reader further. In these aspects, I do feel that there is a sense of immersion created by this flog.

Aside from the immersion aspect, the flog also presents a bit of interactivity. The reader can interact with the YouTube side panel in choosing which video to watch, as well as by clicking on the entry that they wish to read. There is also an option for the reader to leave comments to the posts, which is another way for the reader to interact with the website. On the side bar, the different entries are listed. This serves as a form of database in my flog.

Looking at my project as a whole, considering that it incorporates elements of multimedia, immersion, interactivity, as well as a database, it is certainly a piece of digital work. At the same time, it also presents itself as a piece of literature. I regard my flog as literature due to its sequential order, and narrative feel. Deeming that it is both digital and a piece of literature, I perceive my flog as a successful work of digital literature.

You’re Scaring the Crap out Of Me

2008-12-10T18:43:00.000-08:00

I have a dual identity. Some days I feel like I want to heal the sick and raise money for the poor, other days I have urges to kill those in need and steal from the poverty-stricken. The only thing in my life that is constant is sleep deprivation. I’ve been developing an immunity to my sleeping pills. They don’t do anything for me. My mind just keeps going, and haunting me, and going and going. Do people still love me in my life? I don’t care. To hell with everyone. I should live for myself, like most people in this messed up world do. Yesterday I went out to chop some wood to start the fire and images kept flooding my mind. I pictured an innocent little boy’s head resting on the wood as I would accidently decapitate him. He probably would deserve it though; he needs to know what real pain feels like. I would like to see his family suffer and mourn over the family death. Does life really amount to this? Harming others for self-pride? Just because my life isn’t as I wish it would be it doesn’t mean that I should make the lives of others wretched. I am miserable‒ I lost those who love me, control of my own body, words and mind. And now, all I have left is nothing.

A Day In The City

2008-12-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

This morning I got a chance to experience some of the little pleasures of life. I went to visit my aunt in New York City and she screamed at the sight of my face. Typical. I knew how to handle it though. I threw her out her 16th floor window and watched the cute little people on the streets scramble to find help. They didn’t know what to do, and my aunt, HAHAHHAHA‒She was helpless. To continue on with my day, I jumped in a Taxi, used some of the money I stole from the bank to pay that pathetic driver, and began to walk down 2nd street.

I decided to use the Starbucks restroom. I walked in the women’s bathroom by accident and a beautiful young lady started to scream. Not because I was a male, but because of my appearance. I only had one decision‒to cut her cheeks just as my parents cut mine. I wanted to make her feel very uncomfortable before I began cutting. I asked her if she knew what it felt like to have people in public scream at one sight of you. Frazzled, she didn’t know how to respond. But, honestly, I didn’t care to hear what she had to say. I held my knife to her cheeks, and told her she should smile more often. But now, she won’t have to worry about smiling because she has permanent cuts, a forced smile. I then used her blood and wrote “Why so serious?” on the window looking out to the city. I got a few kicks out of people’s reactions, but this community should learn how to be more lighthearted and fun, like me.

A Dark Turn

2008-12-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

I’ve been working on embodying the character of the Joker, and I’m scared that I don’t have to work at it anymore. It comes a little too naturally. The vision of the Joker has started to haunt my dreams. There are nights where I cannot sleep. My mind races, images of terror shuffle through my head, and I wake up in a panic. "Last week I probably slept an average of two hours a night. I couldn't stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going. One night I took an Ambien, which failed to work. I took a second one and fell into a stupor, only to wake up an hour later, my mind still racing.”

I am both physically and mentally drained. It’s physically demanding as I’m in the gym three times a day to prepare for the stunts. It’s mentally demanding as well because embodying this role is somehow seeping into my very being. It’s getting to me in the worst way. Sometimes when I’m having normal conversations, horrific thoughts and images come spinning in my head, and I say things to people I do not mean to say. Yesterday, when my mother and I were having an argument over the phone, I threatened to burn her alive. I have not been acting like myself, and that scares me. But, maybe all this mental drainage will pay off when I win an award for best actor of the year. It’s a good idea to embody the role you’re called to play, right?

I’m the Joker, No Joke

2008-12-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

Don’t joke with me, I am the joker. I paint my face to hide my true appearance which happens to be hideous. My mother used to put a knife in my mouth and cut into my cheeks to extend my smile. Why so serious? She would ask. That’s why I look like this and that's why I like to cut others. People do not understand the pain I go through, but I try to help them out. Give them a little taste of what it feels like to be helpless and vulnerable.

I do things to harm others, mostly because I enjoy watching people suffer. Why, if I’m in so much pain should others be perfectly content in their lives? I enjoy instilling fear in humanity-it’s natural and healthy. We’re all going to die anyways; some of us must die from fear of life. Fortunately for me, I am very good at cheating death.

I Got It!

2008-11-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my agent called to tell me that I got the role! I will be playing the part of the Joker in The Dark Knight directed by Christopher Nolan. It's set to make it's debut on July 18th of 2008. This is huge! However, I do have some doubts...

The personality of the Joker is very complex and different from myself. I know that this is going to be both a physically and mentally draining role. But, many actors go through with difficult roles, then at the end of it, gain further credibility. In my script, my character is described as a "psychopathic, mass-murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy." I know that in order to nail these character traits, I'm going to have to do some research. Actually, I thought it would be a great idea for me to keep a diary as the Joker. That way, I will have a great chance of channeling some of his energies into my acting-which will make for an excellent film! So, this is what I'm going to do: For the next four months, as we film, I'm going to fill this diary with entries as the joker. I will also have reflective entries about the process to record my progress throughout this journey. I know this is going to be a very twisted and strenuous role to play, but I am willing to give all I have.